Most of you have probably seen a the type of meme that regularly makes the interweb rounds. It’s usually a picture of a gorgeous woman or amazing athlete doing some sport or pose with the caption:
“How I see myself….”
Followed by a second picture, usually of Mr. Beeb or some other absurd character
“How I actually look…”
This couldn’t be more true for me when it comes to being organized and efficient. My Meme would be someone like Mary Poppins and her carpet bag full of solutions or Michele Pfeiffer in the movie “One Fine Day”, where she pulls out entire costumes from her purse at a moment’s notice so her son won’t feel out of place at childcare.
I need to pause here, to bang my head against the wall at the realisation that spell check recognizes Pfeiffer but not Poppins.
The second photo: well me of course, bed head, slightly confused look, with my shoulders well up by my ears, looking around like a chicken searching for something – if only I could remember what.
So it should come as no surprise that roughly 30 minutes before P’s best friend’s birthday party, I had a gift to wrap and neither wrapping paper nor tape. I know I have scissors somewhere, but they have, like many other things, been hidden so well that I can no longer find them.
My solution, drumroll please…
Instead of paper:
I realised I have reams and reams of my kid’s ‘artwork’. This is stuff I frequently have no idea what to do with since I can’t afford those nifty storage artwork frames on amazon. I want to throw it out but then feel guilty. (I do guilt easily, it’s the french roman catholic in me). This is brilliant! Now I can feel great about re-using the art and let someone else deal with the guilt of throwing it out!
If I run out of adequate artwork, I just pull some ikea roll of our easel and have them draw straight onto the package. It also keeps them occupied and stems the barrage of “when are we going to the party?” questions.
And I get to look all sorts of crafty and eco when in truth I am just a deeply disorganized hoarder. It’s all about the spin folks.
Instead of scissors:
Water water everywhere but not a drop to drink. Except in my case you replace water with scissors. How is it that, despite buying scissors every time I step into a stationery store, there is never a pair to be found when I need them?
So to cut paper I use a ruler and or book and just tear. To cut smaller objects like string or ribbon –if I had ribbon– I use a nail clipper or baby nail scissors.
For tape I used:
Stickers. Blue tack or it’s cousin is also an option especially since it clearly isn’t made for sticking things up on walls. Colouring books all seem to have stickers these days. They are a blight so I pull out the pages before my kids get access to them and stick them all over our rental house, subsequently peeling off the cheap paint when removed. They work wonders on wrapping paper and again no guilt throwing them out!
Instead of ribbon:
Cooking twine was my solution. Readers please note that when I need cooking twine, I can’t find it. But if I am looking for ribbons, I will inevitably come across the fire friendly string.
Instead of a birthday card:
Before you judge, consider this: perfectionist kid, endless drafts, floods of tears, never good enough. So instead of a birthday card, I just have her write her name on the actual wrapping paper or, if uncooperative, I write it myself with my left hand and eyes closed. Oh, go ahead, judge. I am beyond caring at this point.
Et voila: a Pinterest Parenting Bluff. You look like you are eco, crafty super mom when in truth you can’t find the glasses sat on your head.